I may have already introduced my eldest nephew D and if I didn't well, I know who he is so there really isn't any reason to explain all the details. Short version - he was first grandchild in family and for a period of a year, when he was 2-3 years old he and my sister R lived with me. So I am very much closer to him than the other nieces/nephews. Anyway, D is now 20, and evidently not registering for Fall classes at school (my alma mater). This is his second school. Having spent the second semester of his Freshman year on line playing video games rather than attending classes he lost his scholarship to his first college. (which was his second choice because he skipped taking an exam that could have gotten him a four year full scholarship to his initial choice) All of this weighs much more heavily on his Mom and stepdad (and Grandparents, and Uncle) than on him. He is going to be a bass guitar rock god. (as are millions of 20 year olds across this musical wasteland we call (somewhat off key) America). Now he does have talent and I've listened to the band's blog site and they aren't bad and I admittedly don't know the first thing about the music industry. Still, his Mom sees history repeating itself - she dropped out of school to have him- the Grandparents see Richard the Second, the potential reincarnation of Mom's nephew who despite seeming to have everything going his way became a middle aged bum, existing by literally stealing from his Mother and another Aunt until he died at the not nearly ripe old age of 50. While I believe D is naive I do not think he is the thief that Rich I was. I have a tendency to look back on my own college years as one of the two greatest periods of my life and, (in my mind) would not hesitate to change places with him. However if I am honest with myself, and dug deep enough into my closet to find some journals from 1980 I imagine there would be a few entries of longing for something other than Western Civ 102. But I am upset with him. His grandparents are worried, he isn't returning their calls. His Mom has his tag but he won't return her calls, and now he has ignored my call and emails as well. Plus he blew off my birthday (which is all of 4 days after his) so he is not atop my favorite list right now. And yet...
Second random thought - while standing in line with C to buy her son a copy of the book that shall not be named but did involve a line weaving itself through a bookstore at midnight two Fridays ago I happened to pick out a book "Gilead" which I finished tonight. I think it is one of the most beautifully written books I've ever read and until the last few chapters it is a monologue. I may be wrong but I don't recall seeing " " until page 200 and the book isn't much longer than that. It deals with Fathers and Sons, literal Father/Sons as well as figurative Father/Sons. And maybe it was reading the last chapter, &/or having D on my mind, &/or the fact that the sushi bar was playing sad Country Christmas music,&/or the saki sliding so warmly down my throat but as I finished my meal and the book I felt my eyes watering up. The hostess asked if I was okay and I mumbled something about getting too much washabi but everything, the book, my own Dad's age & health, my sister P's health, my being able to see 50 not so far down the road and being childless, and thinking of D all hit me at once. It was beautiful and sorrowful. It was pure me.
Bonus thought -
Later, I ran by the grocery store, got some sliced chicken breast. The btucher immediately began telling me how the music had been so loud earlier that she couldn't hear orders and when she called the manager's office to complain they told her the volume was controlled at some regional office. And how she hadn't been able to reach her pick up truck's engine to put oil in so she had to go across the street and ring the doorbell to get a neighbor to help. But the neighbor was asleep so she called Lucy who called her son and woke him up so he could help her. She had even tried standing on two oil cans. Now this may not be unusual but it strikes C as bizarre when I tell her that at times people, who I have never met suddenly want to tell me some part of their life. Personally I find it reassuring. I'd like to think it indicates I do have some redemable value (which gets back to the book). Earlier this weekend the lady in front of me at the 7/11 told me she knew she was too old to start over but she had put up with him for too long and felt she deserved better. I hope she did leave him.
I hope D makes it big, but also wish he'd finish school first. There isn't a law that Rock Gods can't be 22 and have a degree under their belt. Mainly I want him happy, safe, healthy.