utter nonsense, please come back later

My New Years Resolution for next year is stop rambling. I figure that gives me another what, 4 1/4 months to try to break the habit. Fat chance! Had bizarre dream last night only part I recall is that it was literally my funeral. One friend who I haven't seen in a couple of years now was there, his sister, who I had taken to my junior prom, and a cousin that I have only once in the last decade (perhaps ironically at a funeral) were there. They were the only people there and for some reason they were all wearing Burger King crowns. And eating BK dipped ice cream cones. And here is the weird part, I don't think BK sells dipped ice cream cones.

Beyond that the biggest part of my day was trying to A) Get Jimmy Osmond's "Purple People Eater" song out of my head and B) wondering why it got stuck in there in the first place.

And now I pause and gaze off to the left and what should catch my eye but a postcard from The Cremation Society of the South. i guess that explains part of the dream. I must have gotten the card in yesterday's mail and dropped it next to the computer. The card is addressed to "Current Resident". Perhaps they know something I should know. They are offering a "protected 'lifetime' membership". (wouldn't death invalidate a lifetime guarantee? "I'm sorry the offer was rescinded when he decided to stop breathing" It is $25 per person and $30 per couple. So while two may live as cheaply as one, they can't die as cheaply. Although the cost per death is a bit of a bargain I suppose. $15/head. They also have a temporary membership card that you can cut out. Although I suppose you shouldn't run to get the scissors to cut it out. On the face of the card are two smiling women, although the daughter seems a bit more delighted in the pic than the Mom. There is a testimonial that "after doing the research Mom chose CSS. No Yankee funeral for this Scarlett O'Hara. Promises include "No subcontracting". (Do funeral homes do that? "Sorry Frank we're booked, but we could lay Edna out in the bedding department of Sears until things clear up" (I am obviously way too tired to be blogging tonight) "Expert Crematory Witnesses". (Is he done yet?) Anyway, this is pretty sad and sick and I should be sorry but I'm in a bit of a mood. Plus on the way to the bus each morning I pass a new funeral home that has a stretch Humvee out front. I really don't understand that at all. Why would you need a Humvee to transport a body from a funeral home to a burial site?

Goodnight everyone. Perhaps rational - or even more sensible creativity will ascend from her perch atop Mt. Elusive and bestow us with something a bit more, or perhaps a bit less.

LA Confidential

I somehow managed to kill my new computer over the weekend and spent rest of a long weekend trying to straighten out my house. Had no idea how much stuff/junk I had accumulated over the last 2+ decades since college. (still not sure why I always use that as a measuring stick) Anyway, while I was effective in finally ridding myself of a lot I did take time to look twice at a few items. Found a graduation notice from youngest sister's high school class which included an insert that announced that "due to circumstances beyond their control the date of graduation had been moved". I recall nothing of that so called her to see how her second attempt at school was going as well as the kids. She didn't have a clue either so it remains a mystery. Also ran across letter from middle sister stating that she was putting her college career on hold for a year and asking if she could move in with me for a year to earn some money. She never went back to school, got married, had two kids and will be celebrating her 20th anniversary in October. There were some college papers, tests, which I kept, letters from girls who are could be close to celebrating their silver anniversary now. (assuming their first marriage held up better than mine). A playbook some friends and I had come up with for a 3 on 3 flag football game we had against some of the high school football stars. (somehow we won, and no it didn't involve bribing the official. Actually, we simply took it serious and drilled non stop for 3 weeks prior to the game while they assumed they could show up and beat 3 non-jocks. silly. And yes, a couple of cards from L that I had stashed away. But none of that is why I'm writing tonight.

Got email from LA and she is coming through town at end of month. Has a 3 hour layover and asked if I could meet her at airport. I have never met anyone as full of life as she was, enjoyed working with her, getting to know her, surviving lunch hours with her. (God knows she could beat any NASCAR/ Formula 1 driver out on the interstate. How she could maneuver through traffic, telling me the latest in her amazing tales, while constantly looking at me still amazes/frightens me. Her response was classic, she "had never had an accident... that was legally her fault". She started as receptionist at place I used to work, would get bored and began looking for other things to do and soon outgrew our company. I was surprised when she got married, sad when they split - theirs was the only wedding ceremony I had actually thought to be fun. They had it on shore of a lake, crowd was dressed casually, mingling, at some point an official stepped out with them and they recited some vows they had written, everyone released butterflies (which sounds a lot more colorful than it turned out to be as they were practically all frozen and immediately tumbled to the ground. Those that weren't trampled did manage to fly off one by one. Still, that tragedy aside, it was a nice ceremony and they seemed perfect for each other. But then again I seem to be a lousy spotter of perfect couples. lol. They divorced, she decided to move to FL, did some day trading, waitressing, showing up at parties and always getting in and meeting people. Her car was wrecked on way to a Dolphins game but she didn't care, she made a date with the cop that showed up and another one with someone she met at the game. Her eyes sparkle when she talks, and while I will always owe H a debt for introducing me to sushi, LA expanded the menu. Always knew chefs, people sitting near us would strike up conversations with her, she cusses like a sailor, did I mention the sparkling eyes? The hair? never in place but always absolutely perfect. God the stories from her teenage days. Amazing she survived. I always thought she'd end up President or perhaps CEO of some mega corp. Of course the joke was that if she ever did get into politics I'd have to dissappear. So if you don't hear from me again after Labor Day then...

I've been very lucky in my life. In going through things there were cards and letters from some very wonderful folks. Selfishly I wish I was still as much a part in many of their lives, while others, well I was thankful for the time we shared and honestly hope they are happy.

Thurs eve

I'm off to visit the folks this weekend. It has been something of a mini-family week already as I spent Wed visiting my sisters at P's house. P had several movies from Netflix and I was surprised at how her taste seem to emulate mine. We are 3 1/2 years apart and for the longest time we seemed to share nothing in common other than the same parents. Any movie or book that I enjoyed would be ones she either walked out off or gave away without finishing. I've only walked out of one movie in my life, dozed off through several but as a rule avoided ones that she would recommend. So I am guessing that one of us has either matured or gained some degree of taste. :) P's kids are both being very helpful; her oldest daughter will be a high school senior this year and has every college in North America and two in England bombarding her with information. Her son is already taller than the rest of us, very quick witted, athletic and the phone was constantly ringing as young females wanted to know where he was, would he be at such & such that evening etc...
sorry, nothing humorous tonight. have a great weekend.

Faces in the Bathroom Tile

Two days of seminars and a day off to visit sisters. Both seminars fell far short of my expectations. Both were on subjects I really had interest in and both of the speakers turned out to be the sterotypical "absent minded professor", the later getting off on some tirade that lasted for half an hour until one invidiual finally stated that while he didn't disagree with anything the speaker had said, he wondered if we might get back to the subject. I also made a rather interesting and possibly disturbing discovery. The men's restroom had tiles that seemed to include what looked like the profile of a man's face. That wasn't the most disturbing thing though, on closer inspection the face bore a strong resemblence to adolph hitler. There was a moustache about the open mouth and what looked like an empty eye above the nose. I don't think they meant to have hitler's profile staring up at you as you sat upon the throne and perhaps it says more about my very strange imagination but there was no disputing that is what several of the tiles appeared to be. And no I didn't ask anyone else about whether or not they saw the same thing.