Wednesday, August 22, 2007

utter nonsense, please come back later

My New Years Resolution for next year is stop rambling. I figure that gives me another what, 4 1/4 months to try to break the habit. Fat chance! Had bizarre dream last night only part I recall is that it was literally my funeral. One friend who I haven't seen in a couple of years now was there, his sister, who I had taken to my junior prom, and a cousin that I have only once in the last decade (perhaps ironically at a funeral) were there. They were the only people there and for some reason they were all wearing Burger King crowns. And eating BK dipped ice cream cones. And here is the weird part, I don't think BK sells dipped ice cream cones.

Beyond that the biggest part of my day was trying to A) Get Jimmy Osmond's "Purple People Eater" song out of my head and B) wondering why it got stuck in there in the first place.

And now I pause and gaze off to the left and what should catch my eye but a postcard from The Cremation Society of the South. i guess that explains part of the dream. I must have gotten the card in yesterday's mail and dropped it next to the computer. The card is addressed to "Current Resident". Perhaps they know something I should know. They are offering a "protected 'lifetime' membership". (wouldn't death invalidate a lifetime guarantee? "I'm sorry the offer was rescinded when he decided to stop breathing" It is $25 per person and $30 per couple. So while two may live as cheaply as one, they can't die as cheaply. Although the cost per death is a bit of a bargain I suppose. $15/head. They also have a temporary membership card that you can cut out. Although I suppose you shouldn't run to get the scissors to cut it out. On the face of the card are two smiling women, although the daughter seems a bit more delighted in the pic than the Mom. There is a testimonial that "after doing the research Mom chose CSS. No Yankee funeral for this Scarlett O'Hara. Promises include "No subcontracting". (Do funeral homes do that? "Sorry Frank we're booked, but we could lay Edna out in the bedding department of Sears until things clear up" (I am obviously way too tired to be blogging tonight) "Expert Crematory Witnesses". (Is he done yet?) Anyway, this is pretty sad and sick and I should be sorry but I'm in a bit of a mood. Plus on the way to the bus each morning I pass a new funeral home that has a stretch Humvee out front. I really don't understand that at all. Why would you need a Humvee to transport a body from a funeral home to a burial site?

Goodnight everyone. Perhaps rational - or even more sensible creativity will ascend from her perch atop Mt. Elusive and bestow us with something a bit more, or perhaps a bit less.

No comments: