Enter, October

I love October and always will. I just wish it felt the same, carried with it the same meaning that it once did. Or twice. In college it was Bre and that bittersweet first love and loss. Euphoria, foolishness, naivete, wounded pride, ego, hurt, emptiness. But after a very short time all I really remembered was (and still is): our first meeting at the picnic table, the others filing off one by one until it was just Bre and I. Outlasting the other guy interested in spending more time with her. Her incredible smile. Mischievous, inviting, and warm. Walking out of Fuller, feeling the cold air hit our face, holding her hand as we made our way to her dorm, our breathe misting in front of our faces; the stars, the moon, and a 19 year old's certainty of first love's happily ever after. I found out she had been diagnosed with cancer in another October, a quarter century after that first meeting.

My family makes its annual pilgrimage to some local mountains (hills) and in two weeks it will be the 22nd consecutive trip for some of us. During that time it has ranged from a day spent with my Uncle to a gaggle of us, feasting, cycling, playing tennis, huddled by the fireplace, telling and retelling stories, laughing, solving the world's problems, and sharing some of the best of memories. For four years there would be letters or emails waiting for me from my dear long distance friend, catching me up on what had happened in her world that week, telling me how much she missed starting and ending each day with silly &/or thoughtful messages from me and then the year that she planned to join us for our journey. Now this will be the fourth year that there is only silence that will greet my return. I know four years is way to long to waste wondering why but I still don't understand it and I know I never will.

I love this month, always will, but nothing cuts into my soul like October.

happiness is...

an Airedale rushing toward you, as if your presence is the among the greatest joy she knows.

Penguin ban

There are several ills in this world and it didn't kill anyone or spread any disease but the Washington Post pulling the last two "Opus" strips reeks of the same type of censorship that the press usually (justifiably) rails against. The strip for Sunday, Sept 2 was one of the best jabs at American society as well as a commentary on a dogma.

mid Sept (already)

I am afraid inspiration still has eluded me. Actually she is doing an excellent job of hiding. Which you'd think would mean she'd be in my brain, because that is absolutely the last place I would think to look for anything. And the way things are filed there if she was in there it would be impossible to find her among the grey mush.

On the real life side, Dad's back is getting worse, to the point of meetings with surgeons. I went to clinic to give blood for an ALS research project. On way back drove passed the old homestead (this blog is named after it). Place was run down, yard in serious need of mowing. The dogwood at the curb is dead. Each Easter Dad would take pic of Mom, the girls and myself. Each year my Easter suit is more hideous than the prior year. I still loathe shopping for clothes. At the time it was mainly just boring. What kid wanted to spend a perfectly beautiful spring Saturday in JC Penny looking for the most psychedlic suit in the state. Actually shopping with Mom ended on the annual quest for the Easter suit. I have heard a similar tale from a comedian once and I'm not sure if he had somehow tapped into my own life or if this is perhaps more common than you'd think. It was one year when we splurged, which meant we were in Sears rather than JC and I was trying on the suit. The first sign that things were not going well was when I heard my Mom's voice from inside the dressing area. Evidently I was taking too long to try it on or perhaps she thought I had been abducted. Then when I finally came out for display, just as I thought it was over and I could go back and change she spotted a loose thread, in the crotch. She pointed it out to the sales clerk and before I could voice my objection he was shoving some senior sales personnel toward us. The older man actually put on his glasses and there I am in Sears, with my Mom and two sales clerks squatting in front of me staring at my crotch as other shoppers pass by wondering what in the world is going on. I still haven't forgiven Mom for that one.

utter nonsense, please come back later

My New Years Resolution for next year is stop rambling. I figure that gives me another what, 4 1/4 months to try to break the habit. Fat chance! Had bizarre dream last night only part I recall is that it was literally my funeral. One friend who I haven't seen in a couple of years now was there, his sister, who I had taken to my junior prom, and a cousin that I have only once in the last decade (perhaps ironically at a funeral) were there. They were the only people there and for some reason they were all wearing Burger King crowns. And eating BK dipped ice cream cones. And here is the weird part, I don't think BK sells dipped ice cream cones.

Beyond that the biggest part of my day was trying to A) Get Jimmy Osmond's "Purple People Eater" song out of my head and B) wondering why it got stuck in there in the first place.

And now I pause and gaze off to the left and what should catch my eye but a postcard from The Cremation Society of the South. i guess that explains part of the dream. I must have gotten the card in yesterday's mail and dropped it next to the computer. The card is addressed to "Current Resident". Perhaps they know something I should know. They are offering a "protected 'lifetime' membership". (wouldn't death invalidate a lifetime guarantee? "I'm sorry the offer was rescinded when he decided to stop breathing" It is $25 per person and $30 per couple. So while two may live as cheaply as one, they can't die as cheaply. Although the cost per death is a bit of a bargain I suppose. $15/head. They also have a temporary membership card that you can cut out. Although I suppose you shouldn't run to get the scissors to cut it out. On the face of the card are two smiling women, although the daughter seems a bit more delighted in the pic than the Mom. There is a testimonial that "after doing the research Mom chose CSS. No Yankee funeral for this Scarlett O'Hara. Promises include "No subcontracting". (Do funeral homes do that? "Sorry Frank we're booked, but we could lay Edna out in the bedding department of Sears until things clear up" (I am obviously way too tired to be blogging tonight) "Expert Crematory Witnesses". (Is he done yet?) Anyway, this is pretty sad and sick and I should be sorry but I'm in a bit of a mood. Plus on the way to the bus each morning I pass a new funeral home that has a stretch Humvee out front. I really don't understand that at all. Why would you need a Humvee to transport a body from a funeral home to a burial site?

Goodnight everyone. Perhaps rational - or even more sensible creativity will ascend from her perch atop Mt. Elusive and bestow us with something a bit more, or perhaps a bit less.

LA Confidential

I somehow managed to kill my new computer over the weekend and spent rest of a long weekend trying to straighten out my house. Had no idea how much stuff/junk I had accumulated over the last 2+ decades since college. (still not sure why I always use that as a measuring stick) Anyway, while I was effective in finally ridding myself of a lot I did take time to look twice at a few items. Found a graduation notice from youngest sister's high school class which included an insert that announced that "due to circumstances beyond their control the date of graduation had been moved". I recall nothing of that so called her to see how her second attempt at school was going as well as the kids. She didn't have a clue either so it remains a mystery. Also ran across letter from middle sister stating that she was putting her college career on hold for a year and asking if she could move in with me for a year to earn some money. She never went back to school, got married, had two kids and will be celebrating her 20th anniversary in October. There were some college papers, tests, which I kept, letters from girls who are could be close to celebrating their silver anniversary now. (assuming their first marriage held up better than mine). A playbook some friends and I had come up with for a 3 on 3 flag football game we had against some of the high school football stars. (somehow we won, and no it didn't involve bribing the official. Actually, we simply took it serious and drilled non stop for 3 weeks prior to the game while they assumed they could show up and beat 3 non-jocks. silly. And yes, a couple of cards from L that I had stashed away. But none of that is why I'm writing tonight.

Got email from LA and she is coming through town at end of month. Has a 3 hour layover and asked if I could meet her at airport. I have never met anyone as full of life as she was, enjoyed working with her, getting to know her, surviving lunch hours with her. (God knows she could beat any NASCAR/ Formula 1 driver out on the interstate. How she could maneuver through traffic, telling me the latest in her amazing tales, while constantly looking at me still amazes/frightens me. Her response was classic, she "had never had an accident... that was legally her fault". She started as receptionist at place I used to work, would get bored and began looking for other things to do and soon outgrew our company. I was surprised when she got married, sad when they split - theirs was the only wedding ceremony I had actually thought to be fun. They had it on shore of a lake, crowd was dressed casually, mingling, at some point an official stepped out with them and they recited some vows they had written, everyone released butterflies (which sounds a lot more colorful than it turned out to be as they were practically all frozen and immediately tumbled to the ground. Those that weren't trampled did manage to fly off one by one. Still, that tragedy aside, it was a nice ceremony and they seemed perfect for each other. But then again I seem to be a lousy spotter of perfect couples. lol. They divorced, she decided to move to FL, did some day trading, waitressing, showing up at parties and always getting in and meeting people. Her car was wrecked on way to a Dolphins game but she didn't care, she made a date with the cop that showed up and another one with someone she met at the game. Her eyes sparkle when she talks, and while I will always owe H a debt for introducing me to sushi, LA expanded the menu. Always knew chefs, people sitting near us would strike up conversations with her, she cusses like a sailor, did I mention the sparkling eyes? The hair? never in place but always absolutely perfect. God the stories from her teenage days. Amazing she survived. I always thought she'd end up President or perhaps CEO of some mega corp. Of course the joke was that if she ever did get into politics I'd have to dissappear. So if you don't hear from me again after Labor Day then...

I've been very lucky in my life. In going through things there were cards and letters from some very wonderful folks. Selfishly I wish I was still as much a part in many of their lives, while others, well I was thankful for the time we shared and honestly hope they are happy.

Thurs eve

I'm off to visit the folks this weekend. It has been something of a mini-family week already as I spent Wed visiting my sisters at P's house. P had several movies from Netflix and I was surprised at how her taste seem to emulate mine. We are 3 1/2 years apart and for the longest time we seemed to share nothing in common other than the same parents. Any movie or book that I enjoyed would be ones she either walked out off or gave away without finishing. I've only walked out of one movie in my life, dozed off through several but as a rule avoided ones that she would recommend. So I am guessing that one of us has either matured or gained some degree of taste. :) P's kids are both being very helpful; her oldest daughter will be a high school senior this year and has every college in North America and two in England bombarding her with information. Her son is already taller than the rest of us, very quick witted, athletic and the phone was constantly ringing as young females wanted to know where he was, would he be at such & such that evening etc...
sorry, nothing humorous tonight. have a great weekend.